i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Boobs are out for the taking
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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