We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
