seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
