just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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