I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
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He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
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Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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