I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i believe in u and ur pee
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
