I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
