when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize