A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
