He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
