someone threw a dead crab at me
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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