I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
