shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Come share oat with me in your robe
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
