Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
