i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just found a bag of teeth...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
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