handjob tips. give me some.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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