miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
