Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
