I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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