I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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