yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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