I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
