I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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