First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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