We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
