Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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