I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's just so happy...and so naked.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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