I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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