it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
