i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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