how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
