Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
