i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
