I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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