Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
