Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
