there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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