Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
