Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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