Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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