I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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