hotel room ftw
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
