I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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