I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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