I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
