so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
