So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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