I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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