my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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