you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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