Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
