I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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