respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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