watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I will pee on everything he values.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
