my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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