Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
