Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
