Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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