I want to have your abortion
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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