sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
only you would photoshop your dick
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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