my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
