If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
