This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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