How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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