he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
