I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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