i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
