I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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