Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
