He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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