my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I am naked and annoyed.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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