I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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