I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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