Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
