I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
