evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
